I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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