cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This baby is an asshole
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
