Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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