Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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