I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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