i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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