Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
