if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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