Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
