He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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