Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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