I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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