I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just high enough for therapy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
