Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
