You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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