he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
