Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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