Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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