the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
smell my finger.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
