would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
