Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
