I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
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one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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