You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
