My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
