On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
