i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she peed on how many people?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
