I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's like iHOP with fire
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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