You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
