i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
