If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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