I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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