"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
