i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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