areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
