Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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