are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
