Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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