Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
