I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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