Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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