I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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