Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
