Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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