You're earring is so big in my mouth
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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