How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
