I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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