i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
