I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
