Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
