Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
