You smell like stripper and shame
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
