i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
