when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
