you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
