umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
