the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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