theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
