coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
this hospital has no fireball
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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