I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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