Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize