How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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