I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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