I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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